Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
