if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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