let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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