she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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