youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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