How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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