You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
