please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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