2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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