Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
