There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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