Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
