i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
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so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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