He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
