Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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