Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
