I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
