Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
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Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
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You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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