I could make wine with my vomit
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
