just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
