my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
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