FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
