So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
