FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize