WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
