so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
