Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
