Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
