Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
