You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Edward fifth and chaser hands
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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