i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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