Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
