Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
