my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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