I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
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