y did u give ur computer a hand job?
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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