she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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