do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I want to fling myself into the sun
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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