I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
