The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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