The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
