i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
