I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
