in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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