finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
