So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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