make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
