the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Me. At least after what I've been through.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
