We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
