you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
