I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
