wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
