I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
