You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
