Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
