Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
