I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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