I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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