I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
