the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
bring money and cleavage
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
