I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
