Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
True strength comes from lack of pants
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
