our cab driver is having phone sex.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Alive.
So much puke
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
