ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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