their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
