i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I don't deserve a penis
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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