I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
This baby is an asshole
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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