I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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