i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
