Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
