How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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