I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
