yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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