I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
