Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
