I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
