My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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