Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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